Pairing Nuts with Wine

Why I’m compelled to share this story all over again I don’t know, but it still makes me laugh every time I think about it and since it is concert and picnic season at many wineries, I thought it might be fitting.

Several years ago I went see Diana Krall at an outdoor concert series at a winery that shall remain nameless. Anyway, before the show, along with several wines, there was a huge dinner buffet with lots of fancy food set up under white canopies. A guy in line in front of me was going crazy piling stuff on his plate as if he'd just been released from prison or something.  At one food station there were all kinds of salads and a huge bowl of candied caramelized pecans, almonds, and walnuts that were piping hot. And the guy says "Oh man, I love hot nuts!" and mounds them on his plate. And I'm thinking—this guy really needs to pace himself—there was lots of food yet to come.

At the end of the buffet line there were chicken breasts and prime rib and ratatouille and garlic mashed potatoes. The woman behind the chafing dish of mashed potatoes says to the guy--"Could you push your nuts aside for me or you want me to put the mashed potatoes right on them?" So this of course this sets me into giggles. And the guy says "Oh just put the mashed potatoes right on my nuts, it'll keep 'em hot."  At that point I lost it completely and doubled over laughing, and in the process I dropped my ratatouille on his flip-flops, which made me laugh even harder and I fell to the ground gasping for breath with tears streaming down my face and that prompted the mashed potato lady to call security because she thought I was having a seizure.

When the EMT and security folks arrived all I could do was bleat out the words "nuts" "hot nuts" between gasps for breath, and that made the medic think I was having a nut related allergic reaction and he pulled out a needle to give me a shot of god knows what. The sight of the needle sobered me up quick and I finally pulled it together long enough to explain that I was just laughing because the guy said "keep my nuts hot" and they all looked at me with expressions of such utter disgust that I felt like a pathetic creature acting out some absurd Beavis and Butthead moment. Then after much deliberation they decided I was not a threat to myself, or others, and they let me go.

The moral of it all: Nuts and wine do NOT pair well together.